1 00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,007 If you're gonna make me pick you up, 2 00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,095 I expect coffee. 3 00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,836 There'll be one waiting for you tomorrow. 4 00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:11,794 Any other requests? 5 00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,448 Yeah. Get your car fixed. 6 00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:17,321 I'm gonna win you over, bro. It's gonna happen. 7 00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:20,672 Calling me "bro" shows the depth of your miscalculation. 8 00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,413 [Dispatch] Truck 12. 9 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,676 Report of a small animal in the attic at 187 South Kenzie. 10 00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:25,808 Truck 12 responding. 11 00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,335 Four play dates, a Spiderman birthday party, 12 00:00:31,509 --> 00:00:34,121 two trips to urgent care... and my parents are in town. 13 00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,687 Let's just go ahead and say that they have opinions. 14 00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,124 How was your weekend? 15 00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,125 - Yeah, pretty good. - Mmhmm. 16 00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,475 I went to a club. There were definitely drugs. 17 00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:43,304 I woke up naked on some boat near Whitby Island. 18 00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:44,479 What about the other people on the boat? 19 00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:45,828 Also naked, yeah. 20 00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:46,829 Right. 21 00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,092 [Frank] Look, it's not personal. 22 00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,355 I'm just a lone wolf type of guy. 23 00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:54,837 All last year I had no partner and it was... heaven. 24 00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:58,493 And this is so much worse. 25 00:00:58,493 --> 00:00:59,624 So, I guess it is personal. 26 00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:03,150 - Hey. - Mmhmm. 27 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,500 I'm thinking of getting a puppy. 28 00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,849 Look at her, Little Mabel. 29 00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:07,937 Why would you do that? 30 00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,069 You have all the freedom in the world. 31 00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,070 Yeah, but I envy you sometimes. 32 00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,158 I live alone. 33 00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,463 It might be nice to have a dog around. 34 00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,074 Well, I have two. You could just have one. 35 00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,553 One of them's incontinent 36 00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,729 for that extra feeling of agonizing responsibility. 37 00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:18,861 If that's what you're looking for. 38 00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,516 Maybe I'll just get a bird. 39 00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:24,127 Get a bird. Get a bird. 40 00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:26,173 [Frank] Alright. You wait here. 41 00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,436 There's a good coffee place up the block. 42 00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,395 Rookie always pays. 43 00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:35,225 Oh. Yeah. Hazing recognized and accepted. 44 00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:38,881 - So I'll take a cara... - [door slams shut] 45 00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,060 [knocks] 46 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,106 What's up? 47 00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:47,846 Are you coming in? 48 00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:50,545 Oh yeah, for sure. It's just... just gonna be one minute. 49 00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:51,937 I think my partner will be right back. 50 00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,504 I don't have a minute. 51 00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:54,766 It's my 10th anniversary and I surprised my wife with brunch 52 00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,116 and whatever's up there is killing the mood. 53 00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,726 Whew! 54 00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,989 Listen, man. It's my first week. 55 00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,947 I should really wait for backup. You know what I mean? 56 00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:04,124 Come on. My wife's libido is very delicate. 57 00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,126 Help a guy out. 58 00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,783 Yeah, so my name's Fred but everyone calls me Shred 59 00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,221 'cause I used to be a professional snowboarder, 60 00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:16,875 mostly half-pipe, a couple silvers at Nationals. 61 00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,138 And then I tore my ACL. 62 00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,748 How long is this gonna take? 63 00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:20,923 Not long at all. 64 00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,230 If I had to guess... 65 00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,145 it's probably just a sweet little guy who... 66 00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,581 [hissing] 67 00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:27,495 [screams] 68 00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:28,539 [thud] 69 00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,586 My eye! Your walkie went into my eye! 70 00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,457 - I'm sorry, it's just... - [groaning] 71 00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,895 The teeth, it's like a tiny... furry vampire. 72 00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:37,809 I underestimated... 73 00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,724 - [squeaking] - [both scream] 74 00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,248 [screaming] 75 00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:43,989 Under... under the ottoman. 76 00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,166 Okay. Everyone stay calm. 77 00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,602 I got this. 78 00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:51,432 It's okay weasel... or whatever you are. 79 00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:54,043 We're gonna take you to the coolest park in the city 80 00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:56,698 and these people are gonna celebrate. 81 00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:57,742 Dude! Dude! 82 00:02:58,613 --> 00:02:59,179 [chitter sounds] 83 00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:00,528 Bad choice. 84 00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:01,529 [gasps] 85 00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:02,704 What do we do? 86 00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:06,751 Oh, little buddy. 87 00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:09,754 I got this. 88 00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:11,800 - Oh! - Oh! 89 00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:12,975 Oh, come on! 90 00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,326 - Go, go! Right here! - [woman continues to scream] 91 00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,504 We're not catching a break here. 92 00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:23,638 [man] Ohhhh! It's under the stuffed couch! 93 00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:24,769 You gotta be kidding me. 94 00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:28,338 Okay. Don't worry. I got this. I got it. 95 00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,005 - [chitters] - [woman gasps] 96 00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,313 On a scale of 1 to 10, 97 00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,228 how would you rate our service today? 98 00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,230 [theme song] 99 00:03:50,230 --> 00:04:16,560 ♪ 100 00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,089 I made muffins. 101 00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,569 Uh-oh. You want something. 102 00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,876 What? No. Do you guys think I do that? 103 00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,356 Like I only bake when I want something? 104 00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,009 Aw, these muffs are fresh out of the oven. 105 00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,576 This is gonna be horrible. 106 00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,361 No! 107 00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,885 Yeah, I feel bad but I need volunteers 108 00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,930 to clean the kennels this weekend. 109 00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,932 There are nine dogs at Giardia. 110 00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,282 Whoever does it's gonna need one of those counselors 111 00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,544 they send to mass shooting scenes. 112 00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,720 I nominate Frank given the weasel debacle. 113 00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,243 He's the senior officer. 114 00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,941 Yeah. Frank, I just got an earful from the superintendent. 115 00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:50,942 I was getting coffee. 116 00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:53,118 I'm guilty of negligence, not incompetence. 117 00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,381 It's a lower crime. 118 00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,296 Came to gloat about the weasel barbecue. 119 00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:57,384 [all groans] 120 00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:58,472 You're here to enjoy my misfortune, 121 00:04:58,559 --> 00:04:59,951 which is a taunt, not a gloat. 122 00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,171 Always an education when you talk to Frank. 123 00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,391 You're a rube. Do you know what that is? 124 00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,915 Rumor is, couple filed a complaint 125 00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,395 that'll require damage control. 126 00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:11,615 I'm offering my services, Emily, 'cause I know you get 127 00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:14,966 a little nervous and sweaty in high-stress situations. 128 00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:16,403 Uh, no, no. 129 00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,753 I have everything under control, Templeton. 130 00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,930 Well, when you don't, I'll come back to gloat. 131 00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,192 Did I get that right, Frank? 132 00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:24,324 No, that was a threat. 133 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,761 Ah... whatever. Word nerd. 134 00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:27,936 Okay. 135 00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:29,633 I'm gonna go change into a shirt 136 00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,766 that's dark enough to hide my nervous pit stains. 137 00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,377 And right away I'm gonna go ahead and apologize 138 00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:35,900 for sharing that information. 139 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,119 [clears throat] 140 00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:38,903 Muffins... are over here. 141 00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,428 Why's that guy so mean to Emily? 142 00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:44,605 He works at a rival precinct, and he's gunning for her job. 143 00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:46,650 Yeah, she's not really suited to a leadership position, 144 00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,130 but we have to make sure she doesn't get fired 145 00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:49,436 'cause she's really nice. 146 00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,612 And she's easy to manipulate which is why we're 147 00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:54,354 the only precinct with a top-of-the-line Panini Press. 148 00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,007 [bread crunching] 149 00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,009 Mmm. Spectacular. 150 00:05:58,009 --> 00:06:00,011 We got written up in Bon Appetit. 151 00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,970 Okay, here's a novel idea. 152 00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,451 Try standing closer to the toilet and actually aiming 153 00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,453 so the pee goes in the bowl and not on the floor. 154 00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,019 That's a terrible idea for a novel. 155 00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:08,803 [laughing] 156 00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,240 I will be instituting a key system. 157 00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,024 So if you have to pee, you come see Dee, 158 00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,374 there'll be a sign-in sheet on my desk. 159 00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,027 Not gonna do that. 160 00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:17,812 Frank! Frank! 161 00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:18,813 Frank! 162 00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:21,032 Listen, I'll talk to Emily and take the heat 163 00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,338 for the weasel thing. 164 00:06:22,338 --> 00:06:24,035 Okay? I'll clean the kennels, it's only right. 165 00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:25,472 That would be stupid of you. 166 00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:26,690 It's what partners do, right? 167 00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,476 Look, I'm gonna be up front. My plan is to get rid of you. 168 00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,042 And with the way bureaucracy works, 169 00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,827 it'll take about six months to fill your seat. 170 00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:35,830 So that's gonna be all lone wolfy time. 171 00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,397 [howls like a wolf] 172 00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,007 [dogs barking] 173 00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:40,704 Hey, we talked about the howling! 174 00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:43,272 Sorry Emily. How's that espresso machine coming? 175 00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,404 Oh, yeah. I ordered it. 176 00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,275 Oh, you are the best! 177 00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,407 [whispers] It's coming from Milan. 178 00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:48,930 You don't fool me, Frank. 179 00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:52,150 Underneath that crusty exterior is a soft, chewy center. 180 00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,717 Mmm... no. 181 00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,197 Yeah. He's not that kinda cookie, kid. 182 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:56,372 What do you mean? 183 00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,723 Look, and you didn't hear this from us, 184 00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:03,248 Frank used to be a cop but then he uncovered some corruption, 185 00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:05,425 and instead of cleaning it up, they fired him. 186 00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,427 Whoa. That's heavy. 187 00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,863 [phone vibrating] 188 00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,212 Greenview Meadow Preschool. 189 00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:11,735 Oh, God in heaven, no. 190 00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,215 There's no way this isn't something awful. 191 00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:16,305 Hello? Yeah. 192 00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,741 Danny won't poop in school again. 193 00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,221 He's like me, he gets nervous at away games. 194 00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,440 Aww, poor sausage. 195 00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,093 Yeah, go ahead and put him on. 196 00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:24,444 Hey buddy, it's okay, listen. 197 00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,793 Just like we do at home, okay? 198 00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,318 ♪ I know what to do... 199 00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,451 ♪ when I'm about to poo... 200 00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,453 ♪ I go to the potty, 201 00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,890 ♪ pull my underwear down... 202 00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,240 [all sing in unison] ♪ And I sit and wait... 203 00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,895 ♪ I sit and wait... 204 00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:44,899 ♪ I sit and wait until the poop falls down. ♪ 205 00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:49,730 ♪ Then I wipe and wipe, 'till brown leaves town, ♪ 206 00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:53,255 ♪ I put it in the potty and I flush it down. ♪ 207 00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:54,256 Whooo! 208 00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:55,344 Banger! 209 00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:57,346 Wow, sounds like you had quite a bit. 210 00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,130 I'm proud of you, my little soldier. 211 00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,436 Way to go, Danny! 212 00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,612 Okay. Alright. Bye. 213 00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,135 Hi. 214 00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,572 I could use some help getting a mastiff on the table. 215 00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:06,268 - No problem. - Yes! I'll... I'll help. 216 00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,269 Absolutely. 217 00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:10,577 Hey... you're Shred, right? 218 00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,362 Hey. Oh yeah, hi. Nice to meet you. 219 00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,451 Are you the, um... hot vet? 220 00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:16,931 No, we say that behind her back. 221 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,149 Yeah. 222 00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:20,369 Oh God, I'm so sorry if that came off disrespectful. 223 00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:23,503 I'll retract it and say you're in no way hot. 224 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,504 [laughing] 225 00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:26,244 Doctor Summers. 226 00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:29,596 I don't wanna embarrass you but I'm a huge winter sports fan 227 00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,946 and I saw you at the X Games in Whistler. 228 00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,469 - 2019. - Yeah. 229 00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,514 Against The Goose. 230 00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,037 - Oh, so good! - She's a fan. 231 00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:37,952 [Hot Vet] You did that backside right in front of me. 232 00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:38,953 She's a fan. 233 00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,171 They've been replaying it on ESPN Classics. 234 00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:42,957 Every time I watch it, I think I'm not gonna stick the landing 235 00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:43,740 and then I do... 236 00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,873 and it kinda blows my mind all over again. 237 00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,178 So good. 238 00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:48,615 Anyway, sorry. You needed help with something? 239 00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,181 Uh, yeah that'd be great. Come on. 240 00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:51,618 Yeah. Sure. Yeah. 241 00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:55,186 No. No. He does not get to just sashay in here 242 00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,144 and have sex with someone 243 00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,407 we've all been trying to nail for years. 244 00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,540 Yeah, he has to get in line and wait like everybody else. 245 00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,063 Low rent Shawn White. 246 00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,544 Yo. Delores... 247 00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:06,067 I need the key. 248 00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,285 Name and time. 249 00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,679 [phone ringing] 250 00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,905 Connie Lingus? 251 00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:19,863 Real mature! 252 00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,740 [Frank] You know what Mark Twain said? 253 00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,438 I'm not 100 percent on who Mark Twain is. 254 00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,005 That's a whole other conversation now. 255 00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,224 He said if you pick up a starving dog 256 00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,662 and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. 257 00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:39,230 This is the principal difference between a dog and a man. 258 00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,667 Is this about the hot vet? 259 00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,451 Yeah, of course it's about the hot vet. 260 00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:43,844 I've been laying the groundwork for years. 261 00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:46,542 Do you know how many vaccination clinics I've volunteered for? 262 00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,109 A lot of vaccination clinics. 263 00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,590 I've eradicated entire diseases in pursuit of that woman. 264 00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,417 But dude, I'm not, like, a threat. 265 00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:53,680 I have a girlfriend. 266 00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,334 She's a snowboarder, she's from Spain 267 00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:59,686 and if you'd asked me even one question you'd know that. 268 00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,426 I'm not gonna lie, that's a bit of a relief. 269 00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:04,038 Yeah, and if I was gonna dip my toe into the work pool, 270 00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,474 it wouldn't be the hot vet. 271 00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,389 Well, not Victoria. I got dibs there too. 272 00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:10,697 No. Emily. The boss lady. 273 00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:13,221 She's just so clumsy and uncomfortable in her own body. 274 00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:15,702 I guess I just dig an awkward chick. 275 00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,704 This is a texture I didn't know you had. 276 00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,489 You see, this partnership... it's blossoming. 277 00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:24,275 Oh, and I Googled wolves. They run in packs. 278 00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:25,494 Well, except the lone ones. 279 00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,408 Otherwise they would just be wolves. 280 00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:27,931 And you had to Google that? 281 00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,064 There's no shame in admitting gaps in knowledge. 282 00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,935 Unrelated but also interesting... 283 00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,503 did you know snails can have sex with themselves? 284 00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:36,940 [Dispatch] Truck 12, neighbor complaint. 285 00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,421 Unlicensed ostrich farm. 360 North Harding. 286 00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,075 Truck 12 responding. 287 00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,772 Ostriches. I love this job. 288 00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,998 [knocking] 289 00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,307 Hi, I'm Emily Price from animal con- 290 00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:59,441 Wow, that is worse than I thought. 291 00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:01,095 [clears throat] 292 00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,226 I brought muffins. 293 00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:08,102 Hey. 294 00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:09,669 Officers on the scene with loaded snausages. 295 00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,322 [laughing sarcastically] 296 00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:15,109 Never gets old, Tom. What have we got here? 297 00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:16,763 Waiting for the coroner. 298 00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,678 The guy's been dead three days and no one knew it. 299 00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,027 His dog never left his side. 300 00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,638 We'll find him a good home. 301 00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,339 Three days. Can you imagine? 302 00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:30,690 Three days without anybody knowing where I was. 303 00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,691 [dog whining] 304 00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,042 I'd kill for that. 305 00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,698 Hey. Hey, it's gonna be okay. 306 00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,485 Charlie. He's so cute! 307 00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:52,581 Whoa. Those are some tall birds. 308 00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,583 Yeah, and their eyes are bigger than their brains, 309 00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,150 so you should feel right at home. 310 00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:57,586 Your ribbing feels affectionate. 311 00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,023 And I know you're going for more emotional distance. 312 00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:02,722 Hey, your shirt's sticking out. Let me fix it. 313 00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:05,159 There you go, now you look respectable. 314 00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,770 Look at you taking care of your partner. 315 00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,729 Bonding alert. Calling all units. 316 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,991 Alright, calm down. 317 00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,167 Ma'am, hi. City of Seattle Animal Control. 318 00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:14,777 Is it alright if we enter? 319 00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:15,865 Make sure to close the gate. 320 00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,520 Did my stupid neighbor call you? 321 00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,392 What's going on here? 322 00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:24,004 You making belts or selling their meat? 323 00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,614 I sell the eggs at the Farmer's Market. 324 00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:26,789 Well, you're gonna need a license 325 00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,182 from the Zoning Commission. 326 00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,750 Uh... these guys like me. 327 00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,099 Everyone likes you, Shred. 328 00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,406 Should I be concerned? 329 00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,147 Well, that's really up to you. 330 00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:41,195 They are violent and strong and have famously bad temperaments. 331 00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:43,588 Oh, and as you can see they're really fast. 332 00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,634 So I would kick it up a gear if I were you. 333 00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:48,637 In the meantime, I'll just be writing this citation. 334 00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:52,075 [Shred] It's bad, Frank! They won't stop. 335 00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,643 It's starting to feel extremely targeted! 336 00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:58,081 Yeah. Well, they either see you as a food source or a potential mate. 337 00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:00,736 Either way, I would just let nature take its course. 338 00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:01,868 [Shred] They're relentless! 339 00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,218 But don't worry, I'm getting all of it. 340 00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,437 [Shred yelling in the distance] 341 00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,787 Look at 'em move. 342 00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,573 These muffins are delicious. You have to give me the recipe. 343 00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:12,879 Oh, I will. 344 00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:13,880 And you know what? They're healthy too. 345 00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,795 Everyone in my office has some kind of allergy 346 00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,406 so I can never bake anything fun. 347 00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:18,754 [laughing] 348 00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:21,670 Look, we agree. 349 00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,803 We don't wanna turn this into a big legal thing. 350 00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,804 Great. Great. 351 00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,414 And... and you have my word, 352 00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,808 the City will pay for everything. 353 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,548 Okay. 354 00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,115 If you'll just excuse me, I'm just gonna let somebody know. 355 00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,466 [phone chiming] 356 00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,164 [electronic voice] Emily said they're not going to sue 357 00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:41,472 and sent a pile of poop emoji... and a middle finger emoji. 358 00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:42,778 Whatever. 359 00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,825 Alright... I won't take up anymore of your time. 360 00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,956 Thank you both. 361 00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,700 You didn't use sesame oil in these, did you? 362 00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,441 You know what, I did. 363 00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:55,791 I find it just gives it, like, a little tang. 364 00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:56,400 [laughs] 365 00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,619 Oh God. 366 00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:58,402 I'll get the EpiPen. 367 00:13:58,576 --> 00:13:59,490 Thank you. 368 00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:00,840 Wait, wait... what's happening? 369 00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,493 [raspy] Call 911. 370 00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:03,407 Right now? 371 00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,714 No! Oh, no! 372 00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:06,671 [Shred] Knock it off. 373 00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:09,152 This is not fun for me. This is not fun. 374 00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,284 [woman] I've never seen them like this. 375 00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,807 Little help here, Frank. 376 00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,288 Man, they must, uh... smell something on your clothes. 377 00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,942 What kinda detergent do you use? 378 00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,422 Tide liquid pods. They get out anything. 379 00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:19,859 Maybe lose the shirt? 380 00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,990 Oh, oh yeah. 381 00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,865 [Frank] That is pretty disrespectful to the uniform. 382 00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,302 But you gotta do what you gotta do. 383 00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,653 Hmm. It's gotta be the pants. 384 00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,655 - The pants. - [Frank] Yeah. 385 00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,526 [ostriches chirping] 386 00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:38,878 This is the weirdest strip show I've ever seen. 387 00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,618 And I've seen a number of them. 388 00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,013 [ostriches chirping] 389 00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,758 Is that your beef stick? 390 00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:52,761 In my defense, uh, I didn't think it would work that well. 391 00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,329 Uncool, bro. Really Uncool! 392 00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:56,983 And I'm sorry to raise my voice right now 393 00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,767 but I'm pretty high up in this tree 394 00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,334 and you crossed a line, brother! 395 00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,336 They could've taken my penis, Frank! 396 00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:05,992 Yeah, but they didn't and that's what makes it funny. 397 00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,342 Dude, I know that the police department screwed you over 398 00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,997 and people let you down but to learn nothing from that 399 00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:14,522 except to be a jerk, that just makes you a douche, dude. 400 00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:16,002 You're missing all the nuance. 401 00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:19,005 I'm a douche for a lot of complicated reasons. 402 00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,790 Dude, I blew out my knee three months before the Olympics. 403 00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,184 But I didn't let it make me hate the world. 404 00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:27,187 We all have a choice in life and I chose to stay positive. 405 00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:28,884 Well, that just makes me question your judgment. 406 00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:30,233 Well you'll be proud to know 407 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,932 I'm feeling pretty negative right now, Frank! 408 00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,718 You have a ticket for 600 bucks, by the way. 409 00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,720 - Can I pay you in eggs? - No. 410 00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:40,809 [knocking on door] 411 00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:41,723 [Emily] Yeah, come in. 412 00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,814 I'd like to request a transfer. 413 00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,598 My senior officer, by word and action, 414 00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:50,036 has made it clear that he doesn't want me around. 415 00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,951 Despite the rumors, I'm not a people person. 416 00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,388 Really? Are you sure? 417 00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,390 I'd have to move you to central 418 00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,914 and Templeton has the only free truck. 419 00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,525 Yes. 420 00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:02,700 You heard the man. 421 00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:07,618 Templeton. You'd really do that to Shred? 422 00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:08,619 He'll be fine. 423 00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:11,274 He'll be happy in literally any situation. 424 00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:14,277 Which is the very trait that makes him challenging for me. 425 00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,975 Well, what if you viewed it as a growth opportunity? 426 00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,672 I'm not looking for growth. 427 00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:19,630 If growth wants me bad enough, it knows where to find me. 428 00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,850 Yeah. Alone in your apartment. 429 00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,591 Where I am so content. 430 00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:26,550 Now... can I interest you in a chicken pesto panini? 431 00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:28,988 I wanna say no, but yeah. 432 00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,293 Your heart is black 433 00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,339 but you know how to make a really good sandwich. 434 00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:34,994 You guys making sandwiches? 435 00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,778 Oh! 436 00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:43,132 ♪ 437 00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,441 Hello? Who's there? 438 00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:50,574 It's Shred. I forgot my coat, so... 439 00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,272 - Hey. - Hey. 440 00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,448 Oh, I'm sorry how everything worked out. 441 00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:55,449 I love Frank 442 00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:58,017 but sometimes he can just be too much like... Frank. 443 00:16:58,191 --> 00:16:59,757 Yeah. 444 00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,890 I really thought I was gonna be able to crack him, you know? 445 00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,022 What are you still doing here? 446 00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:05,328 Oh, we have a pet adoption coming up 447 00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:06,808 so I was just gonna get these flyers out. 448 00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:07,809 Cool. 449 00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,986 You know, the thing about snowboarding is 450 00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,466 it's a solo sport. 451 00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:13,641 Mmhmm. 452 00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:14,859 Like, when you're on the mountain 453 00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,209 it's just you all alone. 454 00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:18,124 When I got injured nobody found me for two hours. 455 00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,865 What, so the Saint Bernard thing is a myth? 456 00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:22,345 I'm the wrong guy to ask. 457 00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:23,694 I still sorta believe in Santa Claus. 458 00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:24,608 [laughing] 459 00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:25,609 What? 460 00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:26,610 Oh. 461 00:17:26,784 --> 00:17:28,003 Do you need a hand? 462 00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:29,874 Um... yeah. 463 00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:32,616 Sorry. Thanks. I can just be a little clumsy. 464 00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,009 I know. 465 00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,315 You know, honestly... 466 00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,491 I don't know that I'm cut out for this job. 467 00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:41,495 I mean, I sent that poor guy to the hospital today. 468 00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,932 Yeah, but I almost burned down his house 469 00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:45,847 and sent him to the hospital, so... 470 00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:48,937 That's true. [laughing] 471 00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:51,070 Oh, I'm gonna miss seeing you around the precinct everyday. 472 00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:52,419 Yeah, me too. 473 00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:56,379 Um... but you know now that, 474 00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:59,034 I mean, I'm not gonna be your boss... 475 00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,035 [phone vibrating] 476 00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:01,123 Like, we wouldn't... 477 00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,646 Sorry. Sorry. It's my girlfriend. 478 00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,170 Oh, my God. Ah... 479 00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:07,173 - I should get this. - Yeah, yes. 480 00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,870 Hey babe. I heard you got powder. 481 00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:16,095 What do you think, Charlie? You like your new home? 482 00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,052 Yeah? 483 00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,097 [phone chiming] 484 00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:21,230 Hang on. 485 00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:39,205 ♪ And I wipe and I wipe 'till the brown leaves town ♪ 486 00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:43,905 ♪ Put it in the potty and flush it down. ♪ 487 00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:52,218 ♪ Bye bye poo. 488 00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,437 [TV announcer] Shred Taylor needs an 88 to get to on the podium. 489 00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:56,004 No way. 490 00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,746 [TV announcer] Here is another look at his backside rodeo 540. 491 00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:01,705 Will it be enough to medal? And here comes the score... 492 00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:07,581 Oh! 87.3. Ugh, man, that is heartbreaking. 493 00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:08,930 Shred Taylor finishes fourth. 494 00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,674 Look at this kid. You'd never know he lost. 495 00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:14,718 Gotta love him. 496 00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,156 [chuckles] 497 00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,287 [doorbell] 498 00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:26,817 I'm not ready for a dog. I need you to take Charlie. 499 00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:27,818 [dog whining] 500 00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:30,038 No, no. I have my own two dogs. I'm fine. 501 00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,822 Oh my God, he's so cute! 502 00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,608 Oh, do you want him? You guys love him. 503 00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,609 You can have him. 504 00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,176 No, we're not taking the dog. We don't need the dog. 505 00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,483 Also... I can't take care of this. 506 00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,833 I don't need this. I already have lots of plants. 507 00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:43,834 I don't need more plants. 508 00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:45,184 No, don't go. No, stop that dance. 509 00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,837 Come back. 510 00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,187 [children giggling] 511 00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,536 [child] You're so cute. 512 00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:58,284 Some dopey looking guy call for an Uber? 513 00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,981 I knew you'd show up... partner. 514 00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,504 No, you didn't. 515 00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,202 And I'm getting rid of you as soon as a decent rig opens up. 516 00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,203 I hope you know that. 517 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,639 If I didn't know you were coming, 518 00:20:05,639 --> 00:20:09,077 how come I got us coffee? 519 00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:11,297 'Cause you were gonna brownnose Templeton. 520 00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,081 Whatever you need to tell yourself, Frank. 521 00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,083 But I always knew you were a pack animal. 522 00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,520 Yesterday you didn't even know what a pack animal was. 523 00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,306 Oh! I also didn't know that a newborn kangaroo 524 00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:23,787 is the size of a lima bean. - Okay. 525 00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:27,661 Templeton. 526 00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:29,271 You didn't tell him you were picking me up? 527 00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,794 Nah. It was a game-time decision. 528 00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,886 How would you feel about mooning him? 529 00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:37,236 Very good. 530 00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,063 But this will be two days in a row 531 00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:40,369 you've negotiated my pants off. 532 00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:41,370 Hmm. 533 00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:56,690 ♪ 534 00:20:56,864 --> 00:20:58,257 So you really filmed the whole Templeton thing? 535 00:20:58,431 --> 00:20:59,693 Yes, I did. 536 00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,390 [cheering and applause] 537 00:21:03,871 --> 00:21:05,351 - To hell with Templeton! - Nice touch. 538 00:21:11,095 --> 00:21:12,271 Good to have you back. 539 00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,794 Good to be back, boss. 540 00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:17,580 Holden Weiner? Really guys? 541 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,843 It's actually Wy-ner. I get that all the time. 542 00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:23,151 I'm gonna need a signature for the package. 543 00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:24,718 I think it's an espresso machine. 544 00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:26,372 Ooh! I'll take care of that. 545 00:21:26,546 --> 00:21:30,637 Thank you Mister Weiner. Thank you so much. 546 00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:31,638 Wyner. 547 00:21:33,074 --> 00:21:34,162 [gasps] 548 00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:35,076 I think she sprung for the milk foamer. 549 00:21:35,076 --> 00:21:37,948 Emily, you are the best! 550 00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:39,385 I'm getting a wine fridge next. 551 00:21:39,435 --> 00:21:43,985 Repair and Synchronization by Easy Subtitles Synchronizer 1.0.0.0